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Even a stopped duck quacks twice a day.

"Us lions."

A short duck with a sudden suck

Reading is staring at marked slices of a tree, hallucinating vividly.

• Katie Oldham

My attempt at a Wodehousian character observation:

He was the sort of man who blew his nose and then examined his handkerchief with interest.

I'm sorry to be the Baron of Bad News

From a Japanese Christmas card:

In this peaceful season, in these beautiful days, I decide to present you with my heartly miss and suitable bless.

I'm the Laura Ingalls Wilder of nonsensical analogies.

I have the hunger of one thousand tiny men, each one thousand times smaller than an ordinary man.

If I became a pirate in India, I would call myself, "Jolly Rajah".

I knew you cared, I just didn't know how much.

Everyone ignores the first "R" in "February". I like to add one to make up for it. Frebruary.